Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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