im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
