it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
