I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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