Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
