I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
