They should really pass out barf bags in church
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
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Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
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I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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