i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
