He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
