Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
