Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
