Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
