two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
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Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
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Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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