After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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