Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
