Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The struggles of a small town man whore
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
