highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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