ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
