im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
