I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
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She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
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you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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