I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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