my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
There are leaves in my underwear?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
