I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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