i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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