it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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