Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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