i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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