Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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