Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
