i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think weed is turning my hair brown
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
