My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I touched a dick in church today
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