Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
