Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We need to get me chipped asap
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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