this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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