I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
