The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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