He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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