im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
