Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
