I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
