I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
