Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
