yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
