I think my fart just growled at me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
