You're so nebulous sometimes
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
