he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize