Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
