Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
