they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
