she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize