You're so nebulous sometimes
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
