He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
