ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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