everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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