I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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