I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
