all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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