I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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