we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
