Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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