i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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