I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
