theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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