There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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