So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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