just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
