I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
