Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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