btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
