new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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