I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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