Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
