if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
