I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
