I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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