but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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