Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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