I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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