thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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