I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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