part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
