Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
