guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
