I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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