she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
