you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
