Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
