so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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