It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
